


Reincarnation

by ValkyrieShepard



Series: Let's get out of here you bastard [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Death, Fluff, Hurt, M/M, Smut, episode 68
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 01:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8126017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieShepard/pseuds/ValkyrieShepard
Summary: Vax makes a choice on the air ship. He has to set things right, before everything goes wrong on the island of glass.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Before/during/after episode 68 (the current one at this point in time)  
> Look at that I wrote a thing for them again after all. Goes in line with the things I wrote about them before so I guess it would sort of make sense to read them first.

Vax lingered for a moment, hands on the railing, looking back at the city of Marquet that they were slowly leaving behind. The cold draft that made his hair flow felt good after the hot, stagnant atmosphere down in the city's streets. It had been almost intoxicating, mixed with spices and herbs he'd never even heard of, had made him almost delirious with how exotic it had been to him. Now he felt his head clear, but he didn't find peace along with it. Too much had happened for him to find peace, too much was still at stake and he was too unsure about his place in the world, even with a deity as his patron. He still wasn't sure.

 

Would he take it back? No. His sister was worth it. But the Raven Queen made him uneasy, although he thought that maybe she was trying to set him at ease. Even if that were her intention, she was still fucking creepy to him. It would take time, and maybe he would figure out his place in all this, maybe he would finally find peace. At the moment it seemed somewhat impossible.

 

He took a deep breath and turned. There was something he could clear up though, someone he had neglected. Not out of hostility... well maybe at first, but not anymore. But had he ever told Percy that he missed him? His sister had forgiven him, and so he had decided that he would be able to as well, but Percy didn't know that. They still sometimes fell asleep in each other's arms, still exchanged a hastened kiss here or there, but Vax could see the confusion on his face so clearly every time he initiated this. Usually without saying a word. He just really wasn't good at those.

 

Percy wasn't standing exactly in the middle of the sky ship, a little bit to the front, but equal parts away from the railing left and right, leaning against a mast. That way, Vax guessed, he wasn't able to see quite just how high up they were. A soft smile curled on his lips, and his fingers found the bracelet he had gotten him what felt like ages ago. It had become somewhat of a nervous tick, and despite Percy's misstep in the Beholder's lair, subconsciously it meant safety for him. Percy's presence, despite him insisting the opposite, meant safety.

 

Vax couldn't help himself. He trusted him, he cared for him, he loved him.

 

He slowly made his way toward him, hand still on the bracelet for a few steps. It took a while for Percy to notice him, and he stood up straight, evening out his coat and brushing a hand through his hair to even it out. Vax suppressed the smile that threatened to tug on the corner of his mouth at the way Percy always seemed to want to be presentable whenever he walked up to him. There was no need to impress him, and yet he tried his best every time.

 

"Hello Percival."

 

"Vax." He looked down for a moment, then gave him a once over, that uncertainty back on his face.

 

"Can we talk?" Vax took his hand when Percy nodded, and led him to the front of the ship, where he guided him to sit down, back to the gaping abyss behind them. He figured that would make him perhaps slightly less nervous than if they were to look at it. "It's been a while."

 

"Well. Not surprising, with everything." For a moment Vax thought Percy's gaze flitted down to the bracelet, half hidden under the Raven Queen's armour. I..."

 

Percy trailed off, looking down again. He fumbled with his sleeve, then brushed through his hair again and before he could fiddle some more Vax took his hand between both of his, pulling it close and kissing its knuckles. He gave Percy a gentle smile, and kept holding his hand. Neither of them had gotten much sleep lately, and the dark circles under Percy's eyes betrayed it. Vax wasn't sure himself what he looked like, part of him was afraid to look into a mirror. Despite some healing magic, he was sure that there were bruises and cuts to be found on his body, his hair a bit of a mess too.

 

Back in the keep, when it had still been standing - and who knew whether it still did - Percy had brushed his hair. Once. Before all of this started. But sitting on the bed and feeling his fingers in his hair, feeling the brush untangle the knots in his hair ever so carefully - it was heaven. In that moment, with his eyes closed and Percy brushing a kiss against his cheek every now and then, or the top of his head, he had found peace. He wanted to go back to that moment so badly. He would give a lot to be back in that moment.

 

"Vax?," Percy's voice was filled with worry, and it brought him back to the here and now. The soft humming of the crystal that powered the sky ship, the wind in his hair and Percy's hand between his own.

 

"I wanted to...," Vax took a deep breath and looked at him again, those bright, intelligent eyes. "I forgive you, Percy. For... what happened with my sister. She did and so should I. I'm still- She's still the most important person in my life, you have to understand that."

 

"I do," Percy said. "You don't have to forgive me. I don't."

 

Vax squeezed his hand gently, and inched closer.

 

"Just don't ever do that again."

 

"How could I promise that? I was careless. I'm not perfect and... I just can't promise that."

 

If he hadn't been holding his hand, Vax was sure that it would be shaking right now. His voice already did, and there was fear in his eyes. Fear of losing Vax completely? Fear of never holding him in his arms again because he didn't even trust himself? Vax could only guess, but he knew Percy so well by now. It was all of that and more. There was so much fear in him, and he hated that he had left him alone with it for so long. But Vex came first. Always.

 

"I know. What I said stands. I forgive you, Percival. I needed you to hear that."

 

Percy's breath hitched at those words, and Vax cupped his cheek, still holding his hand. Despite the grime and exhaustion, or perhaps in an odd way because of it, Percy was beautiful. He adjusted his glasses for him, and leaned in to brush a careful kiss against his lips. It could barely have been called that, a test whether affection like this was welcome. Vax missed it so much, missed kissing him and making love, feeling his body pressed against his own. He missed Percy despite him sitting right there, feeling the warmth of his body against his leg.

 

He was missed too, Vax found out, when Percy kissed him back, more forcefully, almost desperately so. Vax ignored that there were other people on this ship when he melted into the kiss, let it deepen, and suddenly he felt himself clinging to the front of Percy's coat, clinging so tightly as if he were afraid he would vanish if he let go. This was what he had missed, what he desperately craved whenever Percy was away from him. He felt those skillful hands in his hair, carding through it, holding onto it as they kissed as if their lives depended on it. When they pulled away, Vax let his eyes remain closed, to just feel Percy's breath against his lips, shallow, panting, trying to catch it again.

 

"I am still yours," he whispered, finally looking into Percy's eyes again. "I am still yours and this... this is still real."

 

He guided Percy's hand to the bracelet, silently reminding him of the joke he had made, of the promise that had followed soon after. Vax still wanted to be his, for however long that would be. Considering their current situation, it might not be long at all, and a sudden idea sparked in Vax's mind.

 

"Do you mean that?," Percy asked, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

 

"Yes, I do." He phrased it that way on purpose, making Percy smile, and he joined in. "I would never say this lightly. Especially now. Percy, I don't want to die not being your husband."

 

Suddenly he was pulled close into the tightest hug he had every experienced. He had to gasp for air before Percy relaxed enough for him to be comfortable again. Chuckling, he grasped the back of his coat, leaning his head on his shoulder and breathing in the scent he knew so well, even after missing it for so long. Black powder, he had learned, could smell pretty damn nice.

 

They stayed like that for a while, remembering what the other felt like, sounded like when their breath was even and at peace. Vax wanted to fall asleep like this, wake up like this and do the same thing over and over again. Deep, very deep down he even felt a few domestic urges, the thought of settling down one day, but he pushed it back. Those thoughts were not for these days. For now he was grateful that perhaps he could fall asleep in his lover's arms, perhaps he could wake up that way if they did not have to take watch apart from one another.

 

"Percy. We're on a ship you know," Vax mumbled against his neck.

 

"Yes, I had noticed."

 

"A ship has a captain." He pulled away and grinned at Percy, who needed a few moments to connect the dots.

 

"I... I am not quite sure that's how it works," he said, holding his hands again.

 

"Does it matter? Right now, we could do it. Who cares if it's official?"

 

"You're serious." Percy stared at him for a moment, then broke into a grin.

 

Holding his hand, Vax lead his soon-to-be to the back of the ship, where the Captain was standing and looking out over the railing. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest at the thought of what they were about to do. He didn't care about any documents, he cared about knowing that he would never be with anyone else, that they would be husbands in their eyes and those of their friends. He ignored the ruffling of the feather's of his cloak, ignored the watchful eye that was ever on him. This was his moment, his and Percy's and no lingering thoughts of doom would ruin it.

 

"Hey there Cap'n," he called out, making him flinch as he turned to them.

 

"Er... yes?"

 

"So you're a Captain," Vax said, grinning.

 

"You are very observant..."

 

"Could you please marry us?," Percy stepped forward to Vax's side, grinning the same dorky grin that he was sure was on his own face.

 

A moment passed. Then another as the Captain stared at them both, and slowly he raised an eyebrow.

 

"That's... that's a rumour you know? I mean I could do it but it wouldn't really be legal," he said.

 

"That doesn't matter, would you still do it?," Vax asked.

 

"I..." A smile spread on the Captain's face, and Vax could swear that there was a bit of a blush there too. "Sure, I'll do it. It's... Well it's just a really nice thought. Would you like me to gather the crew?"

 

They agreed, and the Captain went off to gather everyone else. He wondered briefly what the rest of Vox Machina would say, but soon after he heard Keyleth's excited yelp, Vex's groan and Scanlan's "finally!". It was perfect. Somehow, it was perfect. Would they have ever had time for a big wedding, for a plan? Would he have even wanted that? Perhaps it would have been nice to have Cassandra with them, but any party they would have had they could still have after this was over. But it had to be now, and it had to be like this.

 

Everyone gathered on the main deck, the crew sitting in the back, Vox Machina in front, legs folded under them. The two of them stepped down from the higher part of the ship where the wheel was, and joined them, the Captain next to them. Keyleth stood then, and handed them two rings.

 

"I don't know if they fit, but I still had them on me. They don't even match but...," and suddenly she was hugging them both, hair wild around her face and some of it in Vax's mouth. He had to smile, and happily accepted them.

 

"Thanks, Kiki." He glanced down to where his sister was sitting, looking at her own hands. "Vex'ahlia?"

 

She waved him away, then reached to brush something out of her eye. He saw how her palm glistened in the sun then, and realised that that certain thing had been tears. Of course, that was so much like her. In the end, she wanted him to be happy.

 

"Well, we have gathered here today," the Captain interrupted the scene, and Vax turned to look at Percy, holding his hands, the rings mushed between their palms. "To er... not just fly this ship apparently but also to wed these two."

 

This was... perfect in its imperfection and Vax was unable to suppress his grin. Not when Percy grinned right back at him, that dorky grin he had fallen in love with.

 

"So er...," he continued. "Granted by the power of... well me, I now... without further ado apparently, pronounce you husband and... husband. I mean that is if you do want to but I assume since you asked me-"

 

"I do," Percy and Vax said at the same time, making everyone else break out into a chuckle. Even Vex was looking up at them now, tears still glistening in her eyes but smiling just the same.

 

"Well yes good!," the Captain said, laughing himself. "Then great, you're now husbands! You may now kiss and... drinks are on me!"

 

Vax had forgotten all about the rings, and they clattered to the deck when he wrapped his arms around Percy's neck to kiss him. He could feel his husband's arm around his waist, pulling him close, their bodies pressed flush together. He had to stand on tiptoe a little bit and by the gods he loved it, loved everything about this. The feeling of his lips, parts of them quite coarse, the warmth of his body, the tousled hair he could feel under his fingertips. He loved him. Period.

 

When they pulled away again the Captain had gathered the rings and held them out to them. For Vax, the silver ring fit on his ring finger, for Percy the bronze band fit on his pinky. They were about to lean in again when Vex came to push two mugs of ale into their hands, winking at Vax before she continued to hand out more to the others. They cheered and clinked their mugs, for a moment all were happy. For a moment they could forget where they were heading, although it did not take long for Vax to see the dark shadow on Percy's face. None of them finished their drinks, too aware that they needed to have clear heads for where they were going. But just for a little while longer he could take Percy's mind off of what was to come.

 

He took his hand once more and lead him below deck, to where their quarters were. Locking the door behind them, he pushed Percy to sit on the cot there, grinning down at him.

 

"We need to consummate the marriage," he whispered, watching with delight how wide his husband's eyes turned.

 

Percy gasped when he started to strip, ever so slowly undoing the belts and buckles and clasps that held his armour together. With anyone else he would be embarrassed about the bruises and cuts that he revealed as slowly parts of it dropped to the floor. Gloves first, then cloak, then belts and shirt. He kept the bracelet on of course, kept undoing everything until he was naked in front of his husband. Finally he untied the band that held his hair together at least somewhat when they were fighting, and it tumbled over his shoulders.

 

"Your hair has grown so long," Percy whispered, as if he were afraid to ruin this moment.

 

He reached up and played with the tips of it, the deep black contrasting against his pale skin. He was right, it was coming down to his elbows now. But how could they have time to cut it when there were more important things at stake? Perhaps he should braid it like his sister did, to get it out of his face at least. The look on Percy's face let him hesitate though. Awe.

 

"You are absolutely gorgeous," he said almost breathlessly.

 

"You like my hair like this?"

 

"I like your everything like this. But especially your hair."

 

Vax grinned as he leaned down to slide the coat off Percy's broad shoulders, started to unbutton his shirt and toss everything on the floor by his own clothes. There they were, the same kind of bruises he found on himself, cuts and wounds that magic hadn't completely healed yet. He pushed Percy to lie on his back and straddled him, leaning down to kiss everything that hurt. His husband let out little gasps of pain, of pleasure, of relief. Vax felt the same relief, now at least they were one, and would always be.

 

Percy prepared him gently, carefully as he kissed his skin, his lips, everything he could reach. Sometimes Vax just stared into his beautiful eyes, playing with that tousled hair as he felt Percy stretch him wider, always so gentle, so careful. It had been far, far too long. Not just did he miss him, he missed this, the pleasure and the peace that came with it, feeling his husband inside him. It wasn't like it had been at first, rough and tumble, fun and pleasure, now it was so much more than that. Now it was meaningful, now they were truly one, body and mind. Vax was in charge, he felt Percy's hands on his hips, rubbing gentle circles as he set the pace. Rolling his hips gently at first, only speeding up a little when they were both close to their peak.

 

After he let himself fall forward, Percy's arms immediately wrapping around him and gently caressing his back. Featherlight touches, sweet caresses over his shoulders, along his spine, his lower back and all over again. Vax sighed softly, kissing Percy's cheek where he could reach it. He wanted to freeze this moment, put them both into that necklace where time seemed to stand still. There they could be together forever, away from everything. No one would get hurt, no one would die.

 

"I keep forgetting how graceful you are," Percy whispered, dragging him from his thoughts. "How beautiful. The curve of your back and your waist and by the gods the way your hair falls over your shoulders..."

 

"Hmm, keep going...," Vax mumbled, grinning. "Tell me about how lovely I am."

 

"Oh, so lovely!," Percy chuckled. "Your legs, Vax, they're gorgeous. I could give them attention all day."

 

He let his hand wander over Vax's thigh, up and down, teasing him as he had done his back before. They let themselves have a few more minutes of these sweet touches, even sweeter kisses before they forced themselves to get dressed again.

 

"Now it's really official," Vax said, kissing Percy one last time before they went upstairs. It was similar to how they had kissed when this day had started, desperate and passionate at the same time.

 

Their little slice of happiness didn't last long. Vax hadn't expected it to, but to see Percy confronted with one of the abusers of his past was just as scary has it had been when they had liberated Whitestone. The monster was gone from him now, but he had to face it in Ripley, the two forming a terrifying team. The fight had gone bad from the moment it had started, Percy's judgement was clouded and Vax didn't blame him for firing that shot but they were in a bad place when that... that thing had exploded into their faces. The longer the fight lasted, the more he could tell Percy was coming apart, when he had the chance to catch a glimpse of him. Trying to survive, trying to get Kynen to go back to their side once he had noticed them, it tugged on his heart. What was the best course of action? Who would he protect first, who needed it the most? His friends got knocked out, his husband got knocked out and he couldn't do much more than watch.

 

Percy fought, hard. He kept getting up, kept fighting, gritting his teeth and pushing on. Forgiving Ripley, shouting it at her may have been a good sign, but the anger and the desperation in his eyes was not. He kept getting up, except when he didn't. In the back of his mind Vax was aware how much of a cliche it was to see your loved one fall in slow motion, but he could swear that was how it happened. Percy fell against that tree, and he started to run but there was no way of getting to him in time. These guns, these infernal machines were too fast for him, even when his wings burst from his cloak, spreading and boosting his speed. The bullet found Percy's chest, and the breath left his body one final time.

 

Maybe he screamed, maybe he froze, he didn't know. He didn't remember. He felt numb and his vision was gone, and he only came to when he saw the corpse of Anna Ripley in front of him, completely ripped apart by him and the rest of Vox Machina. He was still holding that mechanical arm, and he had to drop it when it fully sank in what he had done, carved it right out of her. He dropped his daggers too, slowly limping to where the corpse of his husband lay. There, he dropped to his knees.

 

"Percival?," his voice was small, broken. He didn't know why, he knew that he was dead, he had felt it, but he reached out to grasp that stupid coat and shook him. "Wake up, Percival. I'm here."

 

"Oh gods, Vax," his sister gasped just behind him.

 

He felt her hand on his shoulder, but he didn't stop, kept shaking him for a while before he dropped, his forehead resting against his shoulder. There was still warmth in his body, he could feel it, but his soul... his soul was gone. If there was one thing the Raven Queen had gifted him, it was the knowledge of death. Percy was gone. And yet his heart yearned to ignore that knowledge, to give himself that doubt that there could still be a chance. Had he doomed him by taking him as his husband? Was this never meant to be?

 

Vaguely did he see Keyleth drop to her knees out of the corner of his eyes.

 

"What are you doing?," he snapped at her, surprised by the angry tone of his voice.

 

"Vax. Trust me."

 

She looked tired, tapped out. And yet she pushed up Percy's sleeve and grasped his arm. She held out her free hand over the empty space of horrible glass ground and the familiar glow of her magic appeared under her palms. It almost seemed as if a breeze had started up, but Vax didn't feel anything. Still he saw her long red hair flow in a breeze, saw her frown in concentration as she worked whatever spell she was starting. But she wasn't Pike. What could she do?

 

He was about to ask when he saw the first signs of the spell working. Underneath her palm, a red shimmer spread out. Slowly, agonisingly slowly it turned into a vaguely humanoid shape except without any muscle or skin. Vax almost recoiled from the sight but then it grew, built layers over layers and the missing bits slowly came together. Vax's eyes widened as he watched how Keyleth was shaking with the effort of the spell, but she kept going. The body grew into the size of Percy's, and in the end, it looked like him too. Now there were two Percys, one bruised, broken and dead, the other new, pristine and... alive? There was no breath in his body.

 

"He... he has to be willing," Keyleth whispered, swaying where she sat. Grog rushed to her, steadying her body. She was still casting the spell, and Vax didn't know whether she needed to do more before it was complete.

 

Vax looked from the old body to the new, the body that he had made love to, kissed and argued with. Then there was one he didn't know, hadn't even touched before. Two Percys. One chance.

 

"Percival, please. Please come back to me. Please please please," he begged, and finally the tears started to fall. Freely, over his cheeks and onto that broken body that he was still holding on to. "I'm going to miss you too much, too damn much Percy!"

 

His breath hitched when Keyleth finally gave out, fainting into Grog's strong and steady arms. His heart dropped. Was that chance gone? Had this sliver of hope been for nothing? He stared at the new body for what felt like an eternity. No more words were in him, no more energy to even try and breathe. How was he going to move on from this?

 

"Look!," Scanlan's voice seemed unusually loud in his ears. "He's breathing!"

 

Vax scrambled around Keyleth and Grog, now sitting opposite to where he had been before. This Percy was so familiar to him, and yet something was off, and it wasn't the breath that was now so clearly coming from this new body.

 

He was breathing.

 

"P-Per-," his voice broke before he could even finish saying his name.

 

He watched him breathe, wondered whether this was a body without a soul but just as he had known before that he was gone, now he knew that he was back. And sure enough, it took a while but then, ever so slowly, he opened his eyes. For some reason, Vax's first thought was to cover him with his cloak, he knew Percy would be embarrassed to be found naked.

 

"What happened?," he asked in that perfect Percy voice.

 

He looked up at Vax, reached to cup his cheek and noticed that there were no clothes on him. Confusion slowly spread on his face, and he looked down at himself, then around to see the state they were all in, broken just like he had been. And then there was the other Percy. The old Percy. The body he had known all his life, not a single breath in it anymore.

 

"Keyleth... copied you," he said, still unable to quite believe it himself. He started shaking then, clinging to Percy's shoulders. "Y-you were dead now you're back you're alive again I thought I'd lost you."

 

Percy needed a moment to understand what he had said, looking from him to that body, to Keyleth then back to him.

 

"Well, this is the strangest thing I've ever felt." He said it so plainly Vax couldn't help but laugh, as if it was just another oddity life had thrown at him. In a way it was. "Something is different though."

 

"Well, you are naked," Scanlan pointed out, grinning. Vex had an arm around him, she was kneeling, smiling and crying at the same time.

 

Very slowly Vax helped Percy sit up, careful that he didn't cut himself too much on the ground spiked with shards of glass. And then he saw it. When Percy's hair fell into his face as he leaned forward, his ears were revealed. Ears that weren't quite round anymore, but also not quite those of an elf. Ears that he knew himself all too well, saw them every time he looked into the mirror. The spell had changed Percy, for good.

 

They gave the old Percy a burial, a proper one. But the ceremony was perhaps the happiest in existence, no tears were shed, no one here grieved except Percy himself. It was odd to give this up, to get used to a body that had been changed.

 

Just before they had buried him, Percy leaned down to take the silver band and put it on his pinky. A new body, but the same love.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Reincarnate changes race. Why not half-elf?


End file.
